Feelin' down today....

I'm a little melancholy today because I just found out that one my my old classmates and friend committed suicide last night. Terry was a good guy but a little mixed up. Had some problems with depression I think and spent his life trying to measure up to the rest of his classmates. He wasnt accepted by some of the cliques back then but was a national honor student and was brilliant. He and I ran around from time to time and were friends but we still wertent real close.

Terry and I had not seen one another since...2000 or so, but we had talked last month and made plans to get together for lunch next week.

I'm real sorry to hear about your loss, if you need to talk IM me.

That sucks dude. Were tehre any warning signs?

I dunno fellas. I have felt like Terry had some emotional problems for years. He sufered from depression and lived his life trying to measure up to everyone else's expectations...trying to fit in, ya know? Not trying to callous but he desperately wanted acceptance from the "in crowd". Yet he hung out with my group (which was definately not the in crowd).

I am sad to admit that Terry irritated most of us. He wasnt a bad guy, but being the selfish teenagers we were, we sorta talked about him behind his back I guess. However Terry and I did run around together some. We'd go to movies or just go cruisin on some Saturday nights.

He married a couple of times. His 1st wife was a divorcee, who actually was a girl I knew from High School. That girl was fast and loose and was actually a girl I once had a tryst with in the barn when I was 14. (She was 12!!!!). Many years later I called Terry at his home one evening. She answered the phone and said Terry wasnt there, but she wanted me to come see her anyway. (No way would I ever do that). I never told Terry, but a couple of years later I learned he'd divorced. The way I learned was that she tried to contact me on facebook. (I blocked her).

I ran into Terry again in 2010. It was out 30th reunion. He'd remarried and I had high hopes for him. He also called me out of the blue last month. I hadnt heard from him in a couple of years and we promised we were gonna have lunch together eithe last week or this week.

I never heard from him again. Yesterday I heard from my cousin that he had thought somehow that he'd offended me. He hadnt of course. But that was the way Terry was. He'd wanted to visit me but I wasnt feeling well (I have trouble walking these days and am getting shots in my feet Friday in the hopes of easing my pain). So maybe I wasnt very open to getting together at the drop of a hat. But again, I had asked him to call and we'd get together in early April.

He shot himself last Friday night. Dpnt know if he left a note. But he appears to have been trying to reach out...like he was looking for something from his friends. Now I think he was depressed. I wonder if he was on medication but maybe hadnt been taking it. OR were there problems at home? Or did our rejection of him linger over 30 years and eat him up inside until he just felt he couldnt take it anymore?

I dunno.

Well, I'm late to this convo, but I'm very sorry to learn of your friend, Dennis. I have not followed up on current information closely, but I have been seeing articles that indicate suicide becoming common in the US these days. I particularly remember during the "recession" thee were news stories about people killing themselves and their families. I think when the future is uncertain and people lose hope, it is hard to carry on. I also think the political divisiveness in the past 20 yrs or so doesn't help things. Used to be the two political parties worked together for the good of the country, but now, not so much. I hope you aren't beating yourself up about this, Dennis. So often people never see this type of thing coming. Perhaps since it happened you have learned new details of what was going on with him. (suicide note?) I have had to walk back from the political discussions, because it really does get me down. Right now, I am still technically battling cancer & have think of that and not get too down about stuff. (why I haven't been around so much & also only so many hours in a day & it's never enough time to get "stuff" done! Sending you a hug across the World Wide Web, my friend!

Hugs right back and have been thinking about ya for some time. I should be better about staying in touch, but I'm not online really as often anymore....especially on facebook. Not a good excuse though, I know.

I have heard a rumor from a friend that was in the gang Terry and I ran with in high school. This person said Terry was cleaning his gun when it went off. Sounds like him, but honestly, knowing terry aas I did, I just really strongly feel like he put the gun under his chn and pulled the trigger. He'd been talking about how poor his marriage was late last year. Plus, as I had mentioned, he'd had drug problems in the past and was a little bit of an oddball as well. But he was still a friend.

I'm past the grieving stage and am just angry at this point. Suicide may seem like a release to some, but it leaves many of us survivors confused and hurt.