Vermin Supreme

Vermin Supreme Is Not Some Ranting Old Geezer

TAMPA, Fla. — Somehow it makes perfect sense that the most reasonable, sane, articulate politician I have spoken to at this Republican convention is wearing a boot on his head. This is Vermin Supreme, the perennial New Hampshire presidential candidate for the Absurd Party. I ran into him as I was walking out of the seclusion zone of the Republican convention, where VIPs ride around in golf carts while the hoi polloi sweat their way down an apocalypse-empty sidewalk. He was shouting at a group of black-clad Republicans through a bullhorn, teasing them about harboring secret anarchist inclinations, but he paused to let me conduct a quick interview.

ESQUIRE.COM: Mr. Supreme, as an anarchist, what do you think of this security situation?

VERNIN SUPREME: This security is an extreme overreaction and extreme overreach. It's an incredible waste of resources, it's part of the continuing fear mongering. They're trying to normalize this type of security apparatus, normalize getting people used to the police state by bringing in every police agency conceivable. It's going hand-in-hand with their demonization of anarchists, their attempt to criminalize protest, to clamp down on free speech by putting extreme limitations on the puppets I can carry.

ESQ: They won't let you do puppets?

VS: They have to be within a certain framework. You can't have a stick that's too big and this and that.

ESQ: Regulations, man.

VS: Regulations. They're locking it down, they're putting up these giant fences, they're giving protesters some place way over there where the delegates are not able to see: Good luck! You have your free-speech cage over there, yelling into the wind!

ESQ: How come you're here by the gate? I've seen some Ron Paul supporters here, but I haven't seen other protesters.

VS: There's been a number of protesters throughout the city, of course.

ESQ: But not here.

VS: Right. It's been my experience that other people have not grokked to the fact that you can engage delegates at certain entrances and exits. They just assume it's all locked-own. But I don't think a group of people could get down here, frankly. If there was group of ten or twenty, they would steer them. This has happened a couple of times — they're marching to the center, but the police block off this street, they block off the other street. They steer them.

ESQ: So how come you broke off?

VS: I have been working with them all around town at different demonstrations. It's not like I have not provided my constituent services, interfacing with the police and giving the basic ground rules of crowd control or what have you. I like to spend my time doing that because it's an essential function of trying to deescalate tensions between the riot cops and my supporters — or just citizens exercising their free rights. I just blocked out today and discovered this. It's a good place to lobby the delegates and try to get votes.

ESQ: For yourself.

VS: Of course. I welcome them to Checkpoint Romney, tell them to please have their credentials ready, please have their dental records ready for immediate inspection, please remove your shoes for the safety of you and your children, and please take your pants off for your TSA prostate check.

ESQ: Did they obey their instructions?

VS: No.

ESQ: You need your own police force to enforce your instructions.

VS: Indeed.

ESQ: But as an anarchist, don't you feel a kinship to the Ron Paul-Gary Johnson contingent here?

VS: My personal view of the anarch-capitalists is that it's an oxymoron. I was wondering this last night. I was checking with my constituents basically, and there were some socialists and they had their socialist banner, and I wondered to myself: Why it is that I seem to have a personal more affinity to the socialists than the libertarians? And it occurred to me that the socialists are explicitly anti-capitalist, where the libertarians are explicitly pro-capitalist. As a social anarchist, I believe that capitalism itself is an inherently exploitative hierarchical situation — you do have a boss, you do have somebody in charge.... What was your question again?

ESQ: Just that as an anarchist you should be sympathetic to the Republican idea.

VS: Well, mutual aid is a very critical and important thing. For a while, I was saying libertarians have no souls, but I promised them I wouldn't if they hammered home the importance of mutual aid. A lot of them are like, "Well. that's what charity is for." But they're not taking their own responsibility for lesser members of society. For me, until they can prove to me that there's compassion in there... I am a pragmatist. We are given what we have here in terms of government, so as an anarchist, okay, I'll lean to the Republican side of getting the government small enough to drown in a bathtub or whatever. But what are we transitioning towards? The only Republican plan is just to...

ESQ: Unleash the rich.

VS: Unleash the rich. And the libertarians have it the same way, remove the government and the capitalist marketplace will make everything beautiful. And that frightens me. Whereas the Democrats, at least, in addition to their institutional warmongering and civil-liberty clampdowns, like to think of themselves as more compassionate and more concerned about the needs of the poor — whether that's really a top agenda or not, I don't know, but helping those who are less fortunate which seems to be a Democratic ideal. Of course I gravitate towards that. Of course, the idea that we need less government, I gravitate towards that. But how are we going to transition to a better society or a better America for all people?

ESQ: Mr. Supreme, you seem smart and of nuanced frame of mind. Why do you dress absurdly? Why the absurd when you could wear a suit and maybe more people would listen?

VS: I don't think more people would listen to me. I believe less people would listen to me. If I didn't have this getup on and I shouted through the bullhorn, people would ignore me. When I'm running for president in New Hampshire, the attire is simple elegant and effective for my purposes, and my purpose is to conduct a campaign of absurdist drama while also making a critique of the political system as it stands. Without the boot, I'd just be some other old geezer on the street ranting and raving.

ESQ: But don't you think the boot delegitimatizes the seriousness of your critique?

VS: I do not. I truly do not, I believe that satire all the way from Jonathan Swift is a very valid way to communicate one’s free speech opinions.

ESQ: We're getting a little too serious here, arent we?

VS: No, my character and my analysis go back and forth pretty fluidly. The name is Vermin Supreme. It’s on my drivers license, my passport, that’s really who I am. I'm happy to discuss my real political ideas, although I understand that a vast number of people who enjoy my presentation may not agree. And I may be diametrically opposed to them, but I appreciate their love. I'm a pragmatist. We all live here, we all got to get together.

ESQ: So tell me what you'd like to yell through my bullhorn?

VS: We just got to stop demonizing each other. We have to really be aware that many are lesser fortunate, and we have to understand that they are our neighbors, they are our fellow citizens, and we need to figure out a way to help them.